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‘Jiggsaw Reflection Series 017’

How reliant are you on others to motivate you to pursue your goals and dreams?

Do you seek approval from others before making a decision or choice?

There is nothing wrong with seeking validation from those around us, but I have found relying exclusively on external sources to be limiting.

Not everyone will understand your dreams, and not everyone will be able to celebrate your accomplishments. People are often too busy crafting out their own path, and are unable to give you the ‘pat on the back’ you might need, at the specific time you might need it.

If we wait for other people to praise us, to achieve a specific goal or for the perfect set of circumstances to create the excitement, joy and inspiration in our lives, then we are essentially giving away our power.

We are constantly surrounded by messages telling us that we are not good enough, need to be fixed and are fundamentally flawed. We learn early on that it’s not socially acceptable or even appropriate to act, think or speak about ourselves in ways that may be perceived as overly positive or downright arrogant.

BUT cheering for ourselves is not arrogant, it’s actually fundamental for us to live a life of fulfilment, gratitude, and meaning.

The act of simply believing in ourselves can be enough to give us the confidence to accomplish what we imagine to be impossible, and pick ourselves up when we fall. If we need love and support, the first place we need to look is within ourselves.

Recovery has taught me to be my own cheerleader and number one fan. I no longer speak to myself as if I am a piece of s***. I try to imagine what I would say to a friend or loved one. I would remind them that they are doing the best they can right now. That I am proud of them, and encourage them to let go of the fear and follow their heart.

Being your own cheerleader means you also need to be there to pick yourself up. Learning to self-soothe and identify what you need to comfort yourself is so important – it gives us a sense of control over our own destiny.

Learning to be emotionally independent and less reliant on others to fulfil my needs has been a real learning curve. I have had to dig deep on occasions to find the strength to be a friend to myself. I have had to make a conscious decision to change my thinking. To not allow the negative self-doubt creep in. It is in these moments that you look to others for reassurance, but if you can find it within yourself, then you need never feel afraid.