It’s been a long few weeks. I’ve been nursing myself through flu…legitimate full on flu.
It’s been pretty miserable at times. I’ve not had the energy to engage or write any meaningful content. Some days I felt so physically poorly, that I burst into tears. I just felt really vulnerable and mentally low. I tried to fight it, but in the end I had to accept that my body just needed to rest.
It’s funny when you have to relinquish control over your body. It’s something that in my eating disorder I held onto so tightly, I was a coiled up spring. Our bodies work for the most part in routine…working in ways that we have no idea…just quietly ticking along. Yet when something hits you, it can come as a shock.
I’ve spent the past few weeks mostly on my own. Luckily I’m ok with being in my own company these days, but I remember a time when I’d dread it…being left alone with my eating disorder berating me was torture. I’m so grateful that today I don’t have the same voice telling me to go swimming, even when I’m sweating with a fever. I have been lying on my backside a lot, but have allowed myself to just rest and be ok with that. I have continued to eat despite not moving around much, because our bodies need energy to just be alive.
I’ve also given myself several kicks up the backside when I’ve felt sorry for myself. I’ve been grateful for a warm house, enough food and for the kindness I’ve been shown by those around me. (My lovely work colleagues sent me a get well card yesterday, which totally made my day 😊). It’s been an opportunity to reflect on how far I’ve come, the work I still need to do, and the gratitude I have for where I am…here and now.
So what have I learnt…
* Self worth
I’m hoping that I’m on the mend, and as rubbish as the past few weeks have been at times, I do also believe that everything that comes our way, is teaching us something we have yet to discover.