Being Transgender With An Eating Disorder

“Dealing with an eating disorder as a transgender female…
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I have been battling with eating disorders for as long as I can remember, and growing up I didn’t have the white picket fence childhood. I was constantly put down for my weight, my looks, my voice, my actions, my femininity, and almost everything else.
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My eating disorder really took full effect on me around the age of 14 I was a freshman in high school, and as we know High school is a very dangerous place for us. I grew up in a very small town in Kentucky, and growing up there you had to be a cookie cutter way or no way. I started to not eat for days and when I did eat I would sure in hell make sure that it was very little and low calories.
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It progressively got worse over the years where I was losing weight fast but I was telling everyone I was just working out and eating good, little did they know. When I turned 16 I came into the world of weed, alcohol, and hard drugs, and it was off from there because I would just take drugs as a way to lose weight and curve my appetite. It also helped me push down my feelings of being transgender because no one could ever find out. I lived like this until I was 19 a cycle of drug addiction, eating disorder, and hiding. When I was using I lost weight very fast to I went to a drug treatment center and when I went in I was 100 pounds and for me a 6’1 girl that’s very small.
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I was there for 30 days and I gained 80 pounds and that’s when the illness came back up. I relapsed the day I got out because a light went off and I knew what would make me thinner again. So I was off on another 5 month binge of the cycle. I finally decided to fly out to California for yet again another treatment program for my drug addiction. And I noticed as I got sober it got harder because I started to hate my body even more because I thought ‘why can’t I just be a biological girl’ and that started a whole other level of hate.
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I started obsessing over everything about my body anything and everything was disgusting. When I was finally a few months sober I decided to finally start working on my eating disorders part of my life, and it was hard at first because I knew if I gained weight I was going to relapse, but I’m now 5 months sober and still working every day on myself I have a therapist that specializes in both, I work with a nutritionist every week, and I have amazing support. For that I’m beyond blessed.”

Jade Carr, Calabasas, California