I Hate You

I wish I had died when he raped me, because that’s what it feels like.

Your life becomes meaningless, your body is no longer your own.

Surviving felt like the cruellest punishment.

Those hazy painful minutes when someone forces you to the ground, takes away your power and you lose everything.

Your childhood memories are replaced by your trauma and you are forced to carry that with you for the rest of your life.

I hate my body for what he did to it; he took my body away from me and left me with a perverse need to punish myself each day.

I starve my body, I make myself sick, I over-exercise. I do everything in my power to hurt my body because loving it seems impossible.

Victoria, London