My Naked Ambition

“It started out just as a way to earn a bit extra on the side. I met a guy on a night out who complimented me and said that I could do some modelling to raise my income.

I’m at law school, but it’s tough living in the city trying keep my head above water. Rents are huge and my studies are full on…it’s stressful. He gave me his number and told me to call him. I carried on with my night as normal.

I woke up the next day and kept swaying as to whether to dial the number. I was cautious, I’m not stupid or at least I didn’t think I was. I called the number and arranged a meeting.

I turned up at an apartment that overlooked the river. It was amazing. I was blown away and was seduced by his chat. He told me that I could earn a thousand a week for a few hours work. Then came the catch, the photos had to be nude. Full on nude. To this day I’m ashamed that the lure of money was bigger than my self-respect, but there were days when I didn’t know how I was going to pay my landlord. I was desperate.

The past 9 months have been a blur. I’ve skipped lectures, I’ve become anxious and had panic attacks out of the blue. I don’t know how I allowed myself to get into this. I’m not stupid, but I’ve done some stupid things. I’ve put myself in danger just so I could earn some cash.

I’m lucky, I’ve got out and wasn’t harmed. The guy wasn’t so bad, I was never abused physically, but I have lost any self-respect I had for myself. I’ve stopped seeing friends, I’ve become a great liar. I don’t even recognise myself. I guess I wanted to share my experience with other women who might find themselves in the same position. No amount of money is worth the hate I feel towards myself now. It’s not worth putting yourself in danger. Don’t sell your soul for a quick buck.”

Anonymous, London