Pure

“PU:RE

That word –so many meanings in different contexts but for me, this one word was enough to cause my whole world to unravel.

I had suffered with Anorexia as a teenager and while I thought I had “recovered” no matter what I achieved or how “normal” my life was, I could never shake this unease, this real deep rooted discomfort that I was not enough and sheer self hatred; I had an absolute inability to accept me.

It was while listening to a discussion about women’s relationship with the word “purity” that it suddenly hit me. All those years I had kept this deep dark secret hidden in a box and now it had re-emerged and suddenly caused my whole being to become smashed into tiny little pieces.

I had been sexually abused by several men, who were known to me and my family when I was 8 years old. I had carried this with me my whole life, not being mature enough to process and understand what this was going to mean for me. Finally, I knew, I understood why I never felt good enough; I was tainted and spoilt.”

Anonymous, Bath, UK